We all picture the Dalai Lama. And I am sure that as different as each picture may be, no one imagines him dancing on tables, sweating in his orange cloak, going to clubs and concerts. I certainly do not picture him like that. However I do wonder how such a man reacts in various aspects of his personal life. Like when he wakes up in the morning and his secretary has resigned, or when his internet connection has failed and he can’t follow his 8,180,460 fans on facebook…
A few days ago I accidentally bumped my car into the car in front of me. No damage at all, yet the driver came out of his car angry (rightfully so), swearing to God, his bad luck, at me, at all women drivers (I will not comment on that!). Now, I, as a correct Coach and as a Lady would do, spoke calmly and said “Don’t get so angry, no one is hurt and this is what insurance companies are for”. And that is when I got the best of him! The now furious driver blurted out all the “nice” adjectives beginning with “And who am I “dolly” not to get upset? The Dalai Lama ?”
So now to my list of Dalai Lama’s personal aspects in life I added a car accident!
The reason I wonder – besides the tiny fact that I enjoy a little gossiping – is that I believe that from the answers I will receive, I may be inspired or moved to apply behaviors that will improve my life, making me (I hope) a better person. To be honest, I can’t believe the Dalai Lama never gets angry. Even if he can control his anger better than most of us, let’s imagine that because of this minor car accident he missed his plane and didn’t make it in time for his speech at the United Nations! He can’t not get angry. Every human would get angry, upset or stressed out. The significant difference is how he would express his anger. And the least obvious, yet most substantial way, would be to what extent that anger is internalized… meaning to what extent he would let it ruin his day thinking about it and to reiterate this unfortunate incident, which cannot be undone.
I may be entirely wrong about the Dalai Lama and he may be a total fluke. It doesn’t matter. What I want you to retain is that in order to improve ourselves we can aspire to what we want and in due course adapt to the behavior of our improved version. And because I am a coach, and one who greatly admires the first coach in history Socrates and his ways, I will reveal to you a series of the most valued questions I pose to my clients and in turn pose them to yourselves:
- What kind of a person do you wish to be? Someone soft-spoken, serious, and delicate with controlled reactions or someone distracted, causing irritation to those around him, quarrelsome, insulting? Someone who has the tendency to help, be there, offer, listen and forgive or someone who has the natural tendency to judge, compare, decline, over power and accuse? Do you wish to be the person who offers a solution or causes a problem? Everything is acceptable, and well-reasoned, and is different for each one of us. The beauty of this world is found in aspects of our character and the real essence results from this diversity. Hence answer the question without “fear & passion”, but with awareness and acceptance of all of aspects.
- How would the person you wish to be react to this incident? How would he stand, speak, look, listen, would he raise a violent hand? Our physiology and body language – the way we use our body and the way we express ourselves says a lot about us. Moreover our body “speaks” and most of the time unbeknown to us, and sometimes “betrays” us. In reality it expresses our inner self in such a clear manner obvious even to people who don’t know us. Often the clients who visit me have low self-esteem issues. In those cases we practice physiology exercises so they can work on not giving out the wrong impression to others but be able to place that magical order for their brain “I can do that, I’ve got it , all will be OK!”
- How would the person you want to be overcome this obstacle? What means would he use? How would he create the best support system for himself? Where would he source ideas, energy, power, instigation from? From how many point of views would he approach the obstacle in his way? What would his goal be? Which strategy would he choose next? What psychology would he choose to accomplish his goal?
- How does the person who walked the extra mile feel when he goes to bed each night? Does he feel light, happy, strong, respect himself or does he feel disheartened, unhappy, sad, and insecure?
The decision is yours each time! Even in the most difficult situations, especially in those! No one and nothing can stop you or inhibit you: only our beliefs, our perceptions and keeping company with the wrong persons. And it’s up to us to choose and shape our choices. Get inspired by anyone you wish with no regrets: Dalai Lama, God, Pluto, Mick Jagger, Oprah, Louise Hay, Jennifer Lawrence … and seek the best version of you and the one that strengthens you and makes you and your loved one/s happy!