Springtime is here, and summer is just around the corner. Women’s insecurities suddenly awake from winter’s hibernation, leaving us (women) to wonder and doubt whether or not we have the confidence we thought we had! I have a different proposition for you ladies! Instead of bothering with new diets, new clothes & accessories, new destinations, new anti-cellulite formulas, sun screen products, fat burning products and all such sources that have to do with your appearance, how about doing something different for a change? Besides all the above –a wise woman I had the privilege of meeting once said: anything you do for yourself is good – devote time and energy for yourselves, for that inner self of yours which creates such insecurities that keep you from relaxing and enjoying the best thing that happened to you: YOUR OWN SELF!
Only when your confidence levels are high can you enjoy life and be truly attractive. Sexuality rarely stems from vital proportions. On the contrary sexuality is revealed from our inner self and has to do with the faith we have in ourselves. We have all encountered women who for our taste are “plumpish” or “skinny”, “not entirely beautiful”, “with no sense of style”, “too casual” or “too made up” and yet shine with confidence and reflect that «je ne sais quoi» that makes men drool over them. The bottom line is when we women feel good, it shows and we attract positive experiences, opportunities and possibilities.
So ask yourselves: How much do you believe in yourself? Not only when things are looking up but also during bad spells. Not only regarding your professional status or your looks but also emotionally, psychologically and mentally.
A very good example of low self-esteem is the certainty that all others are sure of themselves (and you are not!): they know who they are, where they are headed, they don’t doubt their judgement, they are strong, stable, have the perfect relationship and are totally happy with their job. I can without doubt tell you that all that you see is just an illusion! Comparing is the worst enemy of our self-esteem. Our own value does not depend on those surrounding us but from our own evaluation of ourselves.
In order to have a genuine idea of yourself do the following short test: Rate all your life’s assets (your brain, your abilities, your looks, your character, your personal relationships, your psychology, your development, your prospects etc) from 0 to 10. (10 meaning that you are totally happy and 0 not happy). If you score below 6 on more than 3 points, then you really should work on yourself. If again you score over 7 then good for you! Love yourself and life and it will show!
Contrary to what we may believe, people change from within.
That is why you must first change your beliefs and the image you have of yourself and then proceed with the external changes. Losing a few kilos and taking care of your looks is of course a good thing, but it will not last when you hit a rough spot.
Begin the process with the following 10 secrets that will offer you unshakeable confidence:
- Decide that you like & love yourself… A lot… Too much! If you don’t, it will be hard for someone else to do.
- Pay attention to how you speak TO YOURSELF. Our inner dialogue determines our self-esteem. Replace all the negative adjectives with positive ones. Write a positive description of yourself and repeat it as often as you can.
- Pay attention to how you speak ABOUT YOURSELF. Your role is to be your own best supporter, the “loudest spokesman” in the crowd, be your own best salesperson! Remember that EVERY time someone compliments you or asks you to describe yourself.
- Optimism does wonders for your self-esteem. Seek out and insist on anything positive even if you don’t entirely feel it. Gradually your subconscious will record it and will, automatically react to it. In other words, Fake it till you make it!
- Learn to say no. You won’t believe what amazing positive reactions occur when you use limits. Don’t be afraid to do so. You will feel better and those around you will respect you more.
- Don’t compare yourself with others. Believe me, if you knew their problems, you’d be happy to go back to yours.
- Claim all you deserve. Claiming is the golden mean, the true balance between satisfying your needs and respecting the needs of others.
- Begin each day feeling grateful for all the good things about you and your life.
- Devote time for YOU. Book an “appointment with yourself” and offer yourself as frequently as possible an experience that will warm your heart, will clear your mind and make you feel better: A stroll by the sea, a visit to a museum, a candle light bubble bath, half an hour of meditation, pick a book and read it calmly.
- Take action. There will always be things & aspects we wish to improve. The feeling of value stems not only from the effort we make but from the result as well. Instead of hating something about yourself, and despising yourself over it, do something to change it. Now if it doesn’t change (eg. I want to grow taller) decide to love that characteristic you already have and find reasons for its existence.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross once said that people are like stained glass. They glow and are impressive only when the sun shines on them, yet when night falls, only those that have light shining from within reveal their beauty.